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Most Unfortunate Saint

As far as I understand it, a Saint is a normal person who does a good deed, dies, and then is transformed into a Saint by the Pope. It's a very mysterious business, which probably involves chanting and nakedness. Only the Pope himself knows all of the details, and is unwilling to share, the selfish git.
It's probably for the best, though, or all the idiots of the world would start making themselves into Saints, and that would be awful.

Most Saints were created in olden-times, having been executed in some gruesome way for stealing a loaf of bread for the poor. Here are some of those ways:
Eaten by lions,
Drowned,
Burnt,
Dropped,
Kicked,
Smashed,
and exploded.

But none were as horrible as the execution method that was exacted on the most unfortunate saint:
Her name was Polly Grapes.
She was executed by King George.
Her punishment was so terrible, the Queen was violently ill, all over the King's beard.
She was... dropped into a pot of molten wood and turned into a chair!

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