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Slowest Car Crash

Hands up who owns a car.
Wow! Everyone owns a car!

Now, hands up who has crashed a car.
Wow! Everyone has crashed a car!

These staggering statistics that we have just compiled demonstrate exactly how dangerous a car can be: 100% dangerous.
Indeed, chaos theory predicts that everyone who drives a car is due to have a crash in the next five minutes. So look out!

But don't look out too far. Because when I say 'crash', I don't necessarily mean the kind where you fly out of the window and you crumple into a tree and you are dead.
That's a bad kind - but there are many kinds of crash!

Indeed, simply getting into the car, and rocking it forwards slightly causes it to crash into millions of particles of air.
That counts as a crash, you know.
Check your car insurance - if it doesn't rule out crashing into air molecules, you could claim a load of money!

The slowest car crash doesn't involve cars at all, however. For the slowest car crash is when you somehow manage to run yourself over with a wagon.

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