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Fastest Violin Player

Have you ever witnessed a full orchestra playing a piece of classical music? No, of course you haven't. You are an uncivilised idiot.
Allow me to describe in sickening detail the composition of an orchestra: a whole pile of instruments, divided into two groups - the wind instruments (you blow into them) and string instruments (you don't blow into them). There are also the types of instruments that need to be punched in order to produce a sound, but it seems to me that all instruments produce some sort of sound when punched, so these types are best ignored.

The wind instruments are as follows: trumpet, kazoo, whistle and balloon. The string instruments? Guitar, banjo, ukelalie, lute, mandolin and violin! And of all of these, the violin is perhaps the strangest. This is because of the way in which a violin is held - not by the hand, but by the chin!

Yes, it's a miracle that anyone can play the violin at all, let alone play 12 notes every minute - the rate acheived by the fastest violin player, Kevin Shard of Kingston, USA!


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