'How much is that doggie in the window?' are the opening words to a famous song about a canine which may or may not be for sale. It was written by the well-known blind songwriter Roy Orbison in 1952, after a futile attempt to buy a guide dog... futile because, unbeknownst to Roy, he was in a Honda showroom.

Young dogs, or 'puppies', are often placed in windows in the hope that a passer-by will become enamoured with them, and purchase them. This is what I like to call 'buying a dog'. Please remember, however, that buying a dog is illegal at Christmas, due to the law.

Certain breeds of dog display characteristics: the Bulldog is horribly deformed, the Rottweiler mauls everyone, and the St Bernard secretes rum from a neck-based skin flap!

One dog is of particular importance, however - that hound whose characteristic is 'extreme ugliness'.

The ugliest dog is a dead fox I saw by the side of the road recently.

Its face was all run over!